Whatever your civilization wants, we can get it for you. Of course, for every advantage, your populace will be forced to suffer an equivalent penalty, but it’ll be well worth the pain. Want to discover fire a few millenia sooner? As long as you’re willing to accept greed, hunger, and vaginal births. Space travel requires Agent Orange. An interconnected network of computers? Coming right up, if you don’t mind terrorism, both international and domestic. Nuclear power—no shock—pairs with an all-consuming addiction to petroleum. Immortality? It’s yours, but half of you are going to spontaneously combust. You’re cool with that, right?