Rank

Finally, there’s a reliable tool to quickly and accurately compare yourself to everyone else on earth! With the RankMaster 9XL, you’ll know (updated several thousand times per second) precisely where you land in all key areas: attractiveness, wealth, humility, education, genital size, crossword-puzzle speed, facial symmetry, lawn greenness, pool cleanliness. Enough depending on unreliable social media, gossip, or hearsay—get the unvarnished truth about the exoticness of your vacations, the quality of your concert seats, the photogenicity of your sourdough loaves. Remember: You can only be happy once you definitively understand how very far you still must go to reach #1.