Pre-Broken

You never have to worry about damaging our products, because they all come pre-blemished. Our clothing is pre-stained. Our plates come pre-cracked and glued back together. Our wood surfaces are pre-scratched. Our laptops all have a wonky Shift key. Our brains come preoccupied and stressed, our bones are pre-broken (but mended again), our skin is pre-scarred, our faces are pre-blemished, our eyes are either myopic or the other way, our romances come with baggage, our hearts are pre-broken. So don’t worry about keeping anything we sell pristine, safe, or protected—it’ll all save you plenty of effort in the long run.