Everyone says I’m military quality. Like, once I start an exercise regimen, I’ll pass the physical exam. If I hit the books, I could easily nail the academic requirements. My aim with a BB gun is pretty impressive for how little I practice; I could probably be a sharpshooter easily. Whenever I smoke, I get chill enough to be a Navy SEAL. I don’t love listening to authority, because most managers are full of it, but if I were paid, then I could at least pretend to care. How focused do you really need to be for any job, anyway?