I know traveling fairs get a bad rap, but this one’s different. Our Gravitron ride rarely catches on fire, burning everyone inside alive. Our Ferris wheel hasn’t once tipped (all the way) over. Lemonade Larry absolutely did not get every fairgoer high by lacing drinks with LSD (it was psilocybin mushrooms). Our new head clown has almost no twisted predilections involving eating living animals. And small, furry aliens never ride our bumper cars out of the arena and onto the freeway, wreaking havoc while joshing with their little alien friends. Okay, there was one time, but we’re under new management.